Proving God

How do I know god exists?

Comedy.

A one-word answer with zero bullshit. I hear all these people talking about "proof of god" when there ain't no such animal as "proof of god." The same kind of people arguing that they need no evidence for god, turn around and say they have faith.

Faith? Faith?

That ain't faith, that's gullibility; that's a peculiarly ignorant from of ignorance. I have faith. I have built it from scratch, using the scientific method; my faith take your faith out back, ride it like a big dawg. Give you one of the puppies, you'll have some faith...

That is how you prove the existence of god, by the light of your faith. If your bulb ain't got no wattage, no amount of words gonna shine no light; but anybody who opens their mouth about god is proving god. Proving god to look like a jackass, seems to be the general direction...

What, that's offensive? You got some kinda omni-god that don't look like a jackass? Kinda hasta be less omni, that way, no?

I'll tell you what is offensive. Religious tolerance. Man, there is nothing more intolerant than religion. What kinda tolerance is killing in the name of cartoon? What kinda tolerance is believe or die? What kinda almighty bullshit is eternal torment?

With god, everybody wins. That's the omni in god.

But that ain't good enough for you, is it? No, you gotta win; you don't care about god, you care about your religion. What does the Bible say about that?

Thou shalt have no god before me...

I'd think that's pretty important, being first and all. Lemme break that line down, make it real simple... tell ya how my faith works.

I believe in Gwyneth Paltrow. Because I love that girl like stoopid, she's before god. You ain't gonna get a rise outta me, talking smack about my religion; but don't you be talking no bullshit about my Gwynnies, I will saddle up my camel and it will be jihad!!!!

And I bet you think the first commandment makes me wrong. No. The first commandment makes me right. What I mean, about the light of faith; you can interpret or misinterpret these words in any manner you see fit; but I trust in god.

I know how it would be to saddle up for a religion; it's the same kinda faith that I got, and I know because I did the science. I know for a fact what I'd be fighting for, would be the honor of my religious sect. Those that think otherwise, ain't thinking; and why ain't they thinking?

Because an attitude of religious tolerance allows this bullshit to pile up. You think I got no respect for the Prophet? Next to this bed is a blade called Sword of Allah, we can sort it; I know he'd be up for that kinda ruckus... but I also know it is not his time, it is our time. He had no kinda idea, world like this; seven billion people with near-instantaneousness communication. He's looking down, what the hell's he seeing? Fifty idiots that didn't understand the first command; making his name less in the eyes of billions.

That's billions, by the way. I understand shit. My respect for the Prophet ain't going nowhere but up; even as it seems that my respect for those who follow him is doomed to decline. Catch me drawing any stupid cartoons; I'd only be disrespecting idiots without the long view.

My view is so long that any bullshit spin up outta this blog; get my fool head chopped off, that's my fault. And I don't give a shit; I don't have to care, with no head. But while it is still attached, no; I have no respect for religious tolerance.

Besides, how can I show the light of my faith; a muthafucka don't know how to take a joke. And I ain't thinking just 'bout myownself. I'm thinking about how much more popular god would be; everybody getting a good laugh outta deal, not having to tiptoe 'round bullshit sensitivities.
 
Comic jihad!

 Loudest laugh takes the prize; nobody cries, nobody dies...